wOah fellas. How about some constructive criticism? That IS what he asked for isn't it?

Maybe not everyone excels at writing papers, especially a freshman in college his first semester...sheesh!

Skelly, I thought you started out the intro pretty damn well. But then it seemed to stray, like you were searching for things to be said rather than having them flow from the accompanying thoughts/statements. Good start, put a bit more effort into the thesis statement, you were using too many of the same phrases:

1.) "The invention of the

sports car"......"The invention of

the sports car loosely"


2.) "For the first time in my life I got"......."For the first time in my life I began"

Think of different ways to phrase these repetitious sentences. And use less "I, I, I, I"

IMO, you need not go into as much personal detail as you are.


Hope that helps, good luck cause I hate writing papers. My g/f has a bunch of classes that are writing intensive, she keeps asking me to help. I refuse h: