To my land on the lake. I need to think. Then maybe the river. Last night was bad.

Basically my dad told me he would never accept me, and my mom ended up leaving the house and I haven't seen her since. I don't know why I'm posting this here.

I screw up everything it seems. I asked what I did to deserve this but no reply. I'm mad at God. I've begun to believe he's just a figment of a church that wants money and just limits people's thinking to get that money. And just hearing those assholes on TV "We need to associate our government with the church the country was founded under" really pisses me off. Why does the government need to tell people how to rule their life? Screw conservatism. I'd more likely vote for a libertarian. Blah

I'm going off on tangents, I'm just horribly scared again. I puked last night and fell asleep at 9pm and woke up this morning at 9am. I don't want to be this way. I want to be "normal" and be able to live up to everything my parents had hoped for me (have the perfect house, the perfect wife, the perfect family). I really don't think people understand how shitty being gay is at times. Not that I think everybody's life is a cake walk and nobody as horrible times--much worse than how I'm doing right now I'm sure, but they just think. I don't know, many of them don't help. The whole "it's a disease thing" is what some people believe, if they get close they could catch it. Buncha BS. Oh well.

/rant