speaking of company...here's a good one.

Dear Staff,
> It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If
> we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are
> doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress
> poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy
> nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress
> in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not
> need a raise. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days
> a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get
> 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look
> healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced
> meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch,
> because that's all the time needed to drink a SlimFast and take a diet
> pill. SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of
> sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
> work. RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
> There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of
> three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
> the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second
> offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under
> the "Chronic Offenders" category. SURGERY: As long as you are an employee
> here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything.
> We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of
> employment. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
> provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,
> comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
> insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and
> input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week! MANAGEMENT