your accord is 5th gen. engine code f22b1. forget about the noises, it's all in your BRAIN. about making it fast w/out spendin money, well get some paper, write your wishes and put it in a pair of red socks, wait till december!
of course, you gotta spend money to get rid of the lag, drop a turbo or just swap it out for h22, or bring it to mechanic: tell him to advance spark timing and also throw everything useless in the car out.