Tell a condensed version of your life story in some kind of creative tone that doesn't sound like "your typical college essay." Make it seem like the shit you've done and the shit you want to do is a big deal.

Unless of course you want to be an engineer and then you don't need social skills.

Oh and don't worry about it so much, the people here at college aren't all braniacs or something. The entrance standards at your typical university are not nearly as high as the guidance counselors and your parents would have you believe. Not to say that you shouldn't try but don't stress out and think that the whole rest of your life hinges on a stupid essay.