for those of you in the helpdesk field, peep this:

I am normally pretty realistic when it comes to interaction with the public during phone support. I try not to fall into the fatal trappings of viewing all "users" as sheep or endlessly complain about how certain people should not use computers. I really try not to do that. In fact, I am very patient and
kind...

I know that using a PC is a learning process and familiarizing oneself with various systems can be easier said than done. I just can’t understand why, why people refuse to use common sense. Neither do I understand bad manners on the phone.

Here is a breakdown of behavior that I have found to be Frigging Stupid:

1. Yeah, please...call me for help with a specific issue....then spend 10 minutes ranting about some unrelated story. I have nothing better to do, and have no friends, so I WANT to hear your friggin stoopid BS.

2. Don’t tell me you are an IT pro. I don’t care. I don’t care if yer Mr. Atari 2600. I really don’t. You still forgot your password or still don’t know how to check yer firewall to release HTTPS blocking so pipe down and save it for your relatives who might care.

3. If you cant login to your online banking product, because you are getting a "128 bit encryption required" msg, and you call me to help you out. Don’t tell me your Web Browser is up to date. Don’t insist that you have all the latest software. Please refrain from whining about having to download the latest version. Suck it up and DO IT. Or don’t use the Internet.

4. Receiving a msg that your Username or Password is incorrect? Don’t call me to tell me that you "wrote down the password so It has to be correct..", that is friggin stoopid. Don’t tell me you would never make that kind of mistake...you did ..DEAL wit it. Yeah and PLEASE...try the one about how our computers must have changed your password because you would never forget it...see how far that gets you...The FBI killed Kennedy, Martians abducted your inbred in-laws..and everyone is out to get you..you are an amnesia tic f8ckwad...you conspiracy theory lunatic. We should have HAL lock you out of the Space pod and drop you in deep space to never return...

5. I love it when you talk over me. You know more than me and are full of ideas about why you cant get to our website. Shut the heck up. If you have all the answers then don’t call.

6. Although I really never mind, please be aware that when you say at the end of our call, after I ask you "is there anything else I can do for you today?":
"Yeah...I'll take the winning lottery numbers."
..that I have heard this about 1,000 times... you are not funny..leave the jokes to Jay Leno....

7. Do not whine about your password expiring every 90-120 days. I know its hard to remember things like a password that unlocks access to your bank records and $. I know, you always use the same pass for everything. As well, I know that you are going to be the first person to get all pissy and paranoid and possible jacked by an attempt to defraud you. Jack hole.

:I am sure I will think of more soon:

That didn't take long, so here we go:

8. If we locked your account because you paid a bill online that you don’t have the money to pay for, then NO we DONT especially care if you are pissy about not being able to PAY MORE bills. That is why we locked you. Because you are a deadbeat heister. Yeah, we REALLY WANT to let you STIFF us some more. Be a man..pay for what you owe..THINK!

9. Please don’t get angry with me that you tried to pay your mortgage 25 hours before the end of your 15-day grace period, and it hasn’t posted yet. And No, a grace period does not mean it is not late....you are still paying late if you are paying after the first. They just haven’t evicted your a**.

10. Trying to enroll for Internet Access into your bank account Online? What? It says some of the info you provided couldn’t be verified? That a banker will have to manually enroll you?---Don't call me up all salty that you can’t login right away. For security we don’t just let any jackoff with your personal info login to your account with only partial information. We want to verify that the jackoff applying for Online Access is the right JACKOFF, namely you.

 

:uhhok:

 

:bowdown: Amen! I'm talking to a nurse who just received her first PC. This is so appropriate.

 

OH, and don't call while on the potty it's bad you may forget to whip and stuff.

 

Some of my favorites (I used to work tech support for Iomega).

1. People who buy a zip drive and have no idea what it does or how to use it. "where's the start button on this things" "it doesn't have a start button, you can access it through the my computer icon on your desktop and backup your important files" "oh, how do I do that?". I had to explain the concept of copy and paste at least 3-4 times a day.

2. People who talk so quietly you have the volume cranked up and smashing the speaker into your ear and they start mumbling. Another great call I had, the guy held a screaming baby up to the phone just about every 3 seconds.

3. We call them Power Users. They explain how they're so smart they are, and they know so much about computers and you ask them open the device manager and they get confused and do the complete oposite of what you ask them do, or start making pointless changes or skip steps you tell them make so you'll never fix it.

4. People who call without being infront of the computer. Why the hell would you call tech support with a computer problem if your nowhere near your computer. One guy called me from a cell phone on the highway saying "I wanted to uninstall your software so I just went into registry and deleted everything that said iomega, now my icons in my computer are wrong". He hung up when I put him on hold to laugh with my supervisor about that one.

That's all I can think of now. I remember when they were training me (a whole week), they kept saying over and over "any customer that has a good experience with tech support is 4x more likely to buy another product from us than one who never had a problem with theirs". Then they put me out on the phones and my supervisors just wanted me to end the calls as soon as possible. That just bothered me.

 

Fuji, I'm going to open an account with your bank and call up until I get you and complain. Or do you use an alias?

 

:rofl:

 

:werd:

That one about "the lottery numbers" .... like OMG... that's like soooo true. Like wow.

Really though... it is old and stupid.

 

well i dont go buy fuji if thats what youre asking

 

:werd:

I sometimes miss it tho. :wtc:

h: o/` meeeeeeeemm-rriiiiiieeeeeesssssss! o/`