Bwahaha....that part where he was talking to the chick in the bookstore was the best.

I keep saying "They felt like...bags of sand." 'cause for all I know, that's true.h:

 

haha after seeing this thread i had to watch the movie again SOOOOO FUNNY!

 

I'll have to watch it this weekend. Or tomorrow. Whichever comes first.

 

I just saw it. Uh huh, play with yourself, play with a friend

 

its' not about butthole pleasures, or the rusty trombone, the dirty sanchez, the Cincinnati bowtie, or shit stained balls ... it's about making connections.

 

havent seen it yet.

going to borrow :rick: from a friend.

 

go fuck ah goat =]

 

your messing with the wrong sand *****!

hi im gina!

your nothing looking at me!

have you ever herd of a fuck buddy?

maybe we can work alil blush into your cheeks, how do u feel about that?

:rofl:

 

do you have protection? Noi dont like guns

i hope you have a big trunk..cause im putting my bike in it

(i thinkthats how it goes)

 

having his belly hair waxed]
Andy Stitzer: [yells] Yooooooooow, Kelly Clarkson!
Andy Stitzer: Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins too? That's funny... I didn't even know you g-girls talked like that. I think my first time might be your best time too. Well I knew it, you know what? I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter will all the compassion and care that someone would give to their soulmate.
Cal: [David and Cal Playing a video Game] You're *gay* now?
David: No, I'm not gay I'm just celibate.
Cal: I think? I mean, that sounds ga- I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like... there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh you know, I kinda wanna, ya know, get back out there but I think I like guys" and then there's the big, "Oh I'm I'm a g-gay guy now".
David: You're gay for saying that.
Cal: I'm gay for saying that?
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay?
David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How? Cuz you're gay? and you can tell who other gay people are.
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like Coldplay.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like the movie "Maid in Manhattan".
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay?
David: How?
Cal: I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread once.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You have a rainbow bumpersticker on your car that says "I love it when *balls* are in my face".
Cal: That's *gay*?
David: [David loses second match] Goddamnit!
Cal: I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off, and *now* I'm throwing it at your body.
[shouts]
Cal: Fuck you!
David: Aww.
[the waxing lady is putting the first coat of wax on Andy's chest]
Cal: If she starts waxing his pubes, I'm outta here.
Cal: Oh, man, I had a weekend.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah?
Cal: We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman fuckin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: You think "A woman fuckin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman fucking a horse.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Cal: I kinda felt bad for the horse!
Andy Stitzer: Wow, that's something.
Boy at Health Clinic: Hey, do you have any extra large condoms?
Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, Seth, please! You have a tiny penis...
Cal: [to Andy about telling Trish he's a virgin] Yeah, you should definitely tell her, because I saw this movie called "Liar Liar" and the message was, "*Don't* lie."
[pause]
Cal: And that was a smart movie.
Cal: [about Andy wanting to tell Trish he's a virgin] Here, tell me, this is how it's gonna go.
Andy Stitzer: I'm a virgin.
Cal: Cool! I like that, because I know you don't have... chlamydia. I *know* that. I mean that shit is everywhere...
Boy at Health Clinic: You're a virgin?
Marla: Yeah.
Boy at Health Clinic: [smug grin] I'd tap that.
Dad at Health Clinic: Listen to yourself, Seth, "I'd tap that." You think you're so cool with your little "Jew 'fro".
Boy at Health Clinic: Wait, so you're a virgin? I'd tap that.
Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, yeah, you'd 'tap that.' What, Seth, you think you're cool with your little Jew Fro? We don't say 'tap that.' What are you talking about, Seth?
Andy Stitzer: You know what? I'm a virgin too.
Dad at Health Clinic: We're virgins too.
[laughing]
Boy at Health Clinic: Yeah.
[high five's dad]
Andy Stitzer: No, you know what? It's a personal choice and I don't think it's weird at all.