George W. Bush Resume
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George W. Bush Resume
George W. Bush Resume
Past work experience:
* Ran for congress and lost.
* Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
* Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
* Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
* With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.
* Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.
Accomplishments as president:
* Attacked and took over two countries.
* Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
* Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
* Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
* Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
* First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
* First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
* First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
* After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history.
* Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history.
* In first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
* Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.
* Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.
* Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
* Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
* Signed more laws and executive orders circumventing the Constitution than any president in US history.
* Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
* Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
* Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
* Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)
* Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
* My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history.
* Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleezza Rice has an Chevron oil tanker named after her).
* Had more states to simultaneously go bankrupt than any president in the history of the United States.
* Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.
* Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
* Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.
* First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.
* First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.
* Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
* Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
* Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
* Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
* First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
* All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
* My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
* Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
* First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
* First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
* First US president to establish a secret shadow government.
* Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
* With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
* Fist US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
* First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
* Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
* Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
* Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
* Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.
* In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
* Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
* In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
* Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.
Records and References:
* At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
* AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.
* Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
* All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
* All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
* All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
* Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public review.
Past work experience:
* Ran for congress and lost.
* Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
* Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
* Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
* With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.
* Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.
Accomplishments as president:
* Attacked and took over two countries.
* Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
* Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
* Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
* Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
* First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
* First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
* First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
* After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history.
* Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history.
* In first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
* Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.
* Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.
* Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
* Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
* Signed more laws and executive orders circumventing the Constitution than any president in US history.
* Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
* Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
* Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
* Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)
* Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
* My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history.
* Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleezza Rice has an Chevron oil tanker named after her).
* Had more states to simultaneously go bankrupt than any president in the history of the United States.
* Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.
* Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
* Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.
* First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.
* First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.
* Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
* Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
* Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
* Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
* First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
* All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
* My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
* Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
* First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
* First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
* First US president to establish a secret shadow government.
* Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
* With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
* Fist US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
* First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
* Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
* Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
* Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
* Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.
* In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
* Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
* In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
* Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.
Records and References:
* At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
* AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.
* Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
* All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
* All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
* All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
* Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public review.
Thread Starter
Stuff and things.
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 1,972
Likes: 0
From: New York
Originally Posted by /^Blackmagik^\
someone sure is on a roll at grasping for straws tonight
Sinner
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,599
Likes: 0
From: NoVA
Originally Posted by benjamin
If we judge a man by his actions, his abilities, his past, and his character, is this not exactly the kind of information we want?
KERRY RESUME FOR PRESIDENT
(Please forward this message to all voters. Visit Kerry-04.com for the full story on John Forbes Kerry. You may also view John Kerry's Resume in HTML format at http://kerry-04.com/about/resume.php .)
JOHN FORBES KERRY, "MAN OF THE PEOPLE"
CAREER OBJECTIVE
President of the United States, Renter of the Lincoln bedroom, Intern Supervisor, Commander and Chief and Defender of the Working Man, I mean Person
EDUCATION
Educated at Swiss Boarding Schools -- because my parents did not like me that much.
Attended elite private schools like Fessenden School in West Newton, Massachusetts and St. Paul's in New Hampshire -- just like your kids.
Graduated Yale University, 1966 (I am much smarter than that Bush guy -- oh, wait, he also went to Yale.)
Graduated Boston College Law School in 1976 (I am much smarter than that Bush guy -- oh, wait, he got an MBA from Harvard.)
VIETNAM MILITARY SERVICE
Served as an officer on a swiftboat in the Mekong Delta in VIETNAM for three long months -- tried my best to come home a hero like JFK after his service on PT-109. I was in VIETNAM -- VIETNAM was a place where I was for a while. Did I mention that VIETNAM veterans love me?
I collected three Purple Hearts in my three months (had to get three in order to come home and run for Congress as a hero like JFK) and the last one for that scratch on my finger -- it REALLY did hurt! It was important to have the right connections so I could get home and run for Congress on my hero status like JFK -- he was not in VIETNAM, but I was.
Brought my own motion camera to make sure images of me in VIETNAM becoming a hero made it back home to the states. Got a free trip home after three months on my swiftboat where I suffered severe injuries and collected three Purple Hearts (did I mention that), a Bronze and Silver Star for heroism -- ensuring my destiny as a hero and man of the people like JFK.
Got home and found out they were not bestowing hero status on war heroes like me, so I threw my medals, or was it my ribbons, over the White House fence. Maybe it was someone else's medals.
Co-founder of the VIETNAM Veterans of America and spokesperson for the VIETNAM Veterans Against the War and worked closely with Jane Fonda to make sure everyone knew that all the guys in VIETNAM were war criminals -- I was too, and even testified before the Senate about my own war crimes.
"Represented" my cadre of anti-American misfits in a Paris meeting to discuss how we could better provide "aid and comfort" for the North Vietnamese and to discuss the unconditional surrender of the U.S. In doing so, I knowingly, directly violated UCMJ Article 104 part 904, and U.S. Code 18 U.S.C. 953.
Did I mention that this meeting, and my other anti-American activities, also put me in violation of the Constitution's Article three, Section three, which defines treason as "giving aid and comfort" to the enemy in time of warfare.
Consequently, I stand subject to the Constitution's Fourteenth Amendment, Section 3, which states, "No person shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice-President...having previously taken an oath...to support the Constitution of the United States, [who has] engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof."
But I don't have to resign -- I am understudy to Teddy Kennedy, now the patriarch of JFK's family.
I topped off my coddling of Commies by authoring a book called The New Soldier -- but since military heroes are back in vogue, I now sue anyone who reproduces the cover of that book on any website, especially a website like http://kerry-04.com/. (The cover picture is a mockery of the Iwo Jima flag raising -- you can see it at http://kerry-04.com/ until my lawyers get them to take it down.)
CONGRESSIONAL "SERVICE"
Volunteered as a campaign worker for my mentor, Teddy Kennedy in 1962. I just love that big lug!
My first campaign for Congress was in 1972 -- I was a war hero like JFK but nobody noticed so I ran on my anti-American platform. I won the primary with a little help from my campaign manager (brother Cameron) who broke into my opponents campaign headquarters. Unfortunately, because of that Watergate thing, I lost the general election to a Republican even after spending more than any other Congressional campaign in the nation.
In 1982, with the help of Uncle Teddy, I got elected as lieutenant governor for governor Michael Dukakis -- then got elected to the Senate in 1984 -- it has been smooth sailing ever since.
I have dedicated the last 20 years, between wives and vacation homes, promoting big government spending (except in defense and intelligence, which I vote against every chance I get), class warfare, the welfare state and general wealth redistribution, any kind of abortion on demand (without parental consent for minors), and obstructionist tactics in the judicial nominee process.
According to Americans for Democratic [sic] Action, a far-left watchdog group, I have a higher lifetime liberal voting record at 93% than Ted Kennedy with 88%
I am the ranking Democrat member of the Committee on Small Business and Entrepreneurship. My current millionaire wife is heiress of the Heinz Ketchup fortune -- a "small" business
Ranking member of the Hispanic Task Force, even though I "borked" Miguel Estrada
Chaired the Senate Democratic Leadership Steering and Coordination Committee
In 1987, teemed up with Teddy to get an override of presidential veto of Boston's Big Dig Boondoggle -- one of the most larded distributions of taxpayer largess in U.S. history.
In 1991 the Senate created the Select Senate Committee on POW/MIA Affairs to investigate the possibility that U.S. prisoners of war and soldiers designated missing in action were still alive in Vietnam. Acting as chairman, I helped persuade the group to vote unanimously that no American servicemen still remained in Vietnam. In doing so, I helped begin the process of normalizing U.S.-Vietnamese relations.
Wealthiest senator ("man of the people"), with an estimated net worth of nearly $200 million (that's $800 million if you combine it with my current wife's assets)
(Please forward this message to all voters. Visit Kerry-04.com for the full story on John Forbes Kerry. You may also view John Kerry's Resume in HTML format at http://kerry-04.com/about/resume.php .)
JOHN FORBES KERRY, "MAN OF THE PEOPLE"
CAREER OBJECTIVE
President of the United States, Renter of the Lincoln bedroom, Intern Supervisor, Commander and Chief and Defender of the Working Man, I mean Person
EDUCATION
Educated at Swiss Boarding Schools -- because my parents did not like me that much.
Attended elite private schools like Fessenden School in West Newton, Massachusetts and St. Paul's in New Hampshire -- just like your kids.
Graduated Yale University, 1966 (I am much smarter than that Bush guy -- oh, wait, he also went to Yale.)
Graduated Boston College Law School in 1976 (I am much smarter than that Bush guy -- oh, wait, he got an MBA from Harvard.)
VIETNAM MILITARY SERVICE
Served as an officer on a swiftboat in the Mekong Delta in VIETNAM for three long months -- tried my best to come home a hero like JFK after his service on PT-109. I was in VIETNAM -- VIETNAM was a place where I was for a while. Did I mention that VIETNAM veterans love me?
I collected three Purple Hearts in my three months (had to get three in order to come home and run for Congress as a hero like JFK) and the last one for that scratch on my finger -- it REALLY did hurt! It was important to have the right connections so I could get home and run for Congress on my hero status like JFK -- he was not in VIETNAM, but I was.
Brought my own motion camera to make sure images of me in VIETNAM becoming a hero made it back home to the states. Got a free trip home after three months on my swiftboat where I suffered severe injuries and collected three Purple Hearts (did I mention that), a Bronze and Silver Star for heroism -- ensuring my destiny as a hero and man of the people like JFK.
Got home and found out they were not bestowing hero status on war heroes like me, so I threw my medals, or was it my ribbons, over the White House fence. Maybe it was someone else's medals.
Co-founder of the VIETNAM Veterans of America and spokesperson for the VIETNAM Veterans Against the War and worked closely with Jane Fonda to make sure everyone knew that all the guys in VIETNAM were war criminals -- I was too, and even testified before the Senate about my own war crimes.
"Represented" my cadre of anti-American misfits in a Paris meeting to discuss how we could better provide "aid and comfort" for the North Vietnamese and to discuss the unconditional surrender of the U.S. In doing so, I knowingly, directly violated UCMJ Article 104 part 904, and U.S. Code 18 U.S.C. 953.
Did I mention that this meeting, and my other anti-American activities, also put me in violation of the Constitution's Article three, Section three, which defines treason as "giving aid and comfort" to the enemy in time of warfare.
Consequently, I stand subject to the Constitution's Fourteenth Amendment, Section 3, which states, "No person shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice-President...having previously taken an oath...to support the Constitution of the United States, [who has] engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof."
But I don't have to resign -- I am understudy to Teddy Kennedy, now the patriarch of JFK's family.
I topped off my coddling of Commies by authoring a book called The New Soldier -- but since military heroes are back in vogue, I now sue anyone who reproduces the cover of that book on any website, especially a website like http://kerry-04.com/. (The cover picture is a mockery of the Iwo Jima flag raising -- you can see it at http://kerry-04.com/ until my lawyers get them to take it down.)
CONGRESSIONAL "SERVICE"
Volunteered as a campaign worker for my mentor, Teddy Kennedy in 1962. I just love that big lug!
My first campaign for Congress was in 1972 -- I was a war hero like JFK but nobody noticed so I ran on my anti-American platform. I won the primary with a little help from my campaign manager (brother Cameron) who broke into my opponents campaign headquarters. Unfortunately, because of that Watergate thing, I lost the general election to a Republican even after spending more than any other Congressional campaign in the nation.
In 1982, with the help of Uncle Teddy, I got elected as lieutenant governor for governor Michael Dukakis -- then got elected to the Senate in 1984 -- it has been smooth sailing ever since.
I have dedicated the last 20 years, between wives and vacation homes, promoting big government spending (except in defense and intelligence, which I vote against every chance I get), class warfare, the welfare state and general wealth redistribution, any kind of abortion on demand (without parental consent for minors), and obstructionist tactics in the judicial nominee process.
According to Americans for Democratic [sic] Action, a far-left watchdog group, I have a higher lifetime liberal voting record at 93% than Ted Kennedy with 88%
I am the ranking Democrat member of the Committee on Small Business and Entrepreneurship. My current millionaire wife is heiress of the Heinz Ketchup fortune -- a "small" business
Ranking member of the Hispanic Task Force, even though I "borked" Miguel Estrada
Chaired the Senate Democratic Leadership Steering and Coordination Committee
In 1987, teemed up with Teddy to get an override of presidential veto of Boston's Big Dig Boondoggle -- one of the most larded distributions of taxpayer largess in U.S. history.
In 1991 the Senate created the Select Senate Committee on POW/MIA Affairs to investigate the possibility that U.S. prisoners of war and soldiers designated missing in action were still alive in Vietnam. Acting as chairman, I helped persuade the group to vote unanimously that no American servicemen still remained in Vietnam. In doing so, I helped begin the process of normalizing U.S.-Vietnamese relations.
Wealthiest senator ("man of the people"), with an estimated net worth of nearly $200 million (that's $800 million if you combine it with my current wife's assets)
I
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 56,525
Likes: 0
From: Westside til I die
Maybe you should make one for good ole Kerry too. Be sure to include that he throws and catches like a girl.
__________________
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2015 Ford Mustang GT Fastback - Ingot Silver - 6M - Performance Package - Gibson Catback, JLT CAI, FR 47lb injectors, BAMA E85 tune, Eibach Sportline, BMR wheel hop kit, UPR oil separator, Steeda shifter bushing/bracket
Team B.O.B.® - Ballaz on a Budget