Quagmire: Hey there gorgeous, how old are you?
Girl: 16.
Quagmire: 18?!?
Girl: Mom!!!
Quagmire: I like where this is going... Giggidy giggidy GIGG-GUUHH-DIIEE!!!

 

Head of the Rehab clinic:alright Sir, what is your name
Peter looks around and sees a woman eating peas.
Peter:Pea
then looks around and sees someone crying
Peter:tear
and then a Griffin flys by
Peter:Griffin!
Peter:Peter Griffin!
Peter:Nuts!

 

"We're officially on welfare. Come on kids, help me scatter car parts on the front lawn." - Peter
:chuckles:

 

bah

 

hab

 

Stewie: ooo mr snippy
Brian: Look, I just need some time to think alrite?
Stewie: yes yes you've got lots to think about don't you. Public drunkeness, grand theft auto...
Brian: You left out the part where I made you smash your head against he windshield.
Stewie: I don't recall... *BAM* Yes well I suppose I walked right into that one.

 

"Hi, 911. Yeah, this is Quagmire. Yeah, it's stuck in a window this time" ~Quagmire

 

Stewie: Yes, and don't forget the taint. :chuckles:

 

Peter: "Geez, is there anything you people can't do? You know, besides manual labour."

Lois: "Peter! What a mean thing to say! They built the pymarids!"

 

Meg: Well you could kill all the girls that are prettier than me.
Death: But that would leave England.