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Nobama
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Sarasota, Florida
Posts: 5,712
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Joke Thread. Funny / Lame. Post them up!
Quote:
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is. I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,
"For the love of GOD! GO! GO! GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach". I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only one finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson who was in the car with me what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
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Quote:
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him
out of 10 million bucks.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to
testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million,
he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that
he embezzled from me."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is..
Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are
talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Enzo signs back, "OK. You win!
The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin
Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge !"
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger.."
Don't you just LOVE lawyers?!
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Quote:
A blind guy makes his way to the bar and asks the barmaid, "wanna hear a blonde joke"?.
The barmaid cocks her shotgun and says : "I'm a blonde and I have a gun, the 2 girls on your right are blondes and they are tag team wrestlers, the girl on your left is a blonde tattooed head to foot and rides a harley and the girl behind you now is my bouncer, a blackbelt and is also a blonde.
Sure you still want to tell that joke?".
The blind guy says...
"Nope, not if I have to repeat it 5 times."
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So i have been having a lot of parents hitting me up to shoot their kids. - dj02
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11-19-09, 09:32 PM
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